Friday, January 22, 2010

Alright. Day one. This is it. My motto is that I am going to take this one meal, one stride, one day at a time. This is not going to be easy by any means and I know that there will be times when I want to give up, but I can't. I just can't. For my self I need to prove that I can do this. I need to prove that I can be disciplined and controlled. I need to be strong. Stronger then I have ever been in my entire life. Honestly, if I can do this I can do anything. No joke. Thank goodness I have this blog so I am bitch and moan about this and no one will get annoyed with me : ) My biggest fear right now is failing. I can't fail again. Legit if I fail this then I need to just learn to love my body the way it is. Either that I need to take tiny little baby steps and maybe in a year or so my body will be bangin. I would rather just get this over with now, start 2010 awesome and make it a great year. I want to be skinny for spring break and even skinny for when I go see the spring musical because I want people to be like wow look at her, she is so skinny! I want people to think I came back from college a whole new person because I feel like a new person on the inside, but I want to look like a new person on the outside too. Right now I am sitting in the union waiting to leave to get to my next class. I drinking an americano with no cream or sugar. I just finished a banana and three hard boiled eggs, no yolks, so just egg whites. Total calories are 150 plus or minus like 10 for the banana. I got a lara bar that I am going to snack on all day thats 180 calories. I love lara bars they are reasonable in calories, gluten free, lactose free, vegan, an ALL NATURAL. My bar is apple pie flavored and the ingredients are dates, almonds, unsweetened apples, walnuts, raisins, and cinnamon. THAT'S IT! No preservatives, no chemicals, just real food. I have to admit they taken some getting used to at first and I don't like all the flavors, but a few are really good and thankfully they sell that at random places around campus. Omgsh today I woke up and did not want to get out of bed! I was soo comfortable! But I got out, didn't shower(eww) and threw on some crappy clothes and didn't even put on makeup! I threw my hair in a bun and put a head band on, but it still look awful. I just don't care what I look like today. I got a big, exciting weekend a head of me...psych! This weekend's forecast seems to be homework, working out, cleaning, sleeping. It's gonna get crazy! I just have soooo much homework that needs my 100% focus. Plus, I need to get good work outs in and really it's cold, rainy, gross, who wants to go out anyway? Not me. This is what I figure, if I lose the weight I will have plenty of fun over spring break. Right now this time of zero fun is going to be worth it later when I have SOO much fun. Alright time for M118. Awesome.

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