FAIL. But I have no one to blame, but myself!

I failed. I failed hard. Like supah hard. Like gruesomely, devastatingly hard. I binged. I binged bad. I realize now that I can not go for very long on 300 calories, not with the workout schedule I am on. I just can't. So I am upping my calorie count to 800. That should give me enough wiggle room not to binge. My mom and sister are coming to visit me this weekend : ). Good news is I am so excited because I love spending time with them and they make me laugh so much. Bad news is I am going to HAVE to eat or my mom gives me that "don't even think about doing something stupid" look. So i just have to be smart about it. Eat when I HAVE to and not when I don't. And when I do have to eat, pick smart choices. It's not going to be easy, but I can do it! The rest of this week is going to be HELL on earth. I have like two papers to write today, a web work, and a SHIT load (pardon my french) of reading. YELP! I didn't get to sleep until like...2 am last night! I was just thinking about weightloss, school work, boys, life, you name it! I was worrying about everything! I couldn't stop! I never do this, but right now I am drinking one of those 20 calorie monster energy drink thingys. I hate these. I NEVER drink them, but desperate times calls for desperate measures!

Hey all you people out there trying to lose weight, let's do this thing! Let's stop talking about it and actually do it. WHY does food control us? It's the stupidest thing ever! It doesn't have a brain, it can't talk, it has no weapons of mass destruction other then it's fat content and calories! Why is this so difficult?? Because we LET it be difficult. We are the reason we can't stop eating. It's all about a conscious effort. THINK people THINK! If you want that cookie, talk yourself out of it or simply ignore what you want! How many times have you sat in class or somewhere looking at someone you have feelings for or a crush on and then NEVER talk to them. You want to. You dream about it. But you don't. Why can't food be the same? Because if you talk to them you having a feeling of a possible embarrassment, rejection, whatever! Ok so let's apply that to food. If we eat the food we know is bad then there is a high likely-hood that we are going to look like pigs in public, that we are going to be a walking embarrassment. Talk about rejection? We will be rejected from society as a whole. It's all about choice, the lesser of the two evils, eat or not eat. I pick not eat. I choose!